Realistic

I don't know how to write about this other than stream of consciousness. How I write most of my blahg anyway.

I have had something stuck in my head since declaring the IM finish quest.

Do I really want it for 2009?

I really enjoyed training for GWN this year. I seemed to find my 'groove' as far as fitting it all in with family. I improved my time over the swim and the bike significantly. I learned how to put it together on race day and enjoy myself while pushing as hard and smart as I could. When I crossed the finish line I knew that if I worked on my run next year I could improve overall again at this distance.

I really like the half IM distance and I want a sub-6 hour next year.

My ultimate goal - the big one - has always been the full ironman distance. So why am I questioning next year as the year to do it? Support.

Most people I know training for these events have huge friend/family support. Maybe I shouldn't say huge but they have it. Maybe I am imagining it. Maybe I'm over-estimating the importance of it. I watched a friend support her husband's training this year from afar - she went out on long his bike days and would make a water stop for him. I've watched my friend Eric do IMC 4 times and each time his family comes out for the weekend to cheer, to chalk, to celebrate.

I can't quite picture this in my life. Not this year, next or even years to come. My family is not very close. I have my mother who would likely come out to IMC if it didn't interfere - which would be great. My husband is not "not" supportive but I'm not sure if I have his understanding on persuing this goal, and without it it's hard for him to get behind me.

Here's where I get stuck. I can't articulate it. And what hangs in the balance is: What am I doing this for? It's not for the chalk and the hugs and the support is it? Because if it's for those reasons then I will be sure to be disappointed. If it's to ask a big test of my body and train dedicated to it and perform my best on race day I cannot be disappointed.

I know one shouldn't do IM for a pat on the back but for internal reasons.

2009 is the year I can dedicate the most time training-wise to this. Though, there will never be ideal conditions; only a certain readiness to commit myself regardless of external factors.