Rotary Run for Life

I know it's odd that I'm doing races that I'm not specifically training for. I have chosen to do this to keep my momentum up and to keep me active in a phase (post A-race) that I would normally say screw it and sit on the couch with beer and potato chips. While some beer and potato-chipping has been done I've also managed to fit in some events that have been good for me and my "mojo".

I had signed up for this run as a favour to a friend of a friend who was the race director. The race is to raise funds and awareness for suicide prevention. Something, dear reader, you may know is close to my heart after battling depression off and on in my 20's and 30's. To be blunt, while I cannot imagine today WHY or HOW just last year I was afraid of the darkness that crept into my life. So afraid that when coming home I would avoid parking in the garage. Sometimes I would park behind my house and cry, not knowing why, not wanting to go in, not wanting to stay outside.

Luckily I am surrounded by people who care about me, although I often neglect to believe how much. I know my husband, John, experienced the biggest brunt of my spiraling downwards my kids secondly and the world absolutely last. If you have struggled with it you may know the numbing feelings, feeling insular, feeling hopeless and the darkness that clouds the corners of your vision. If you haven't struggled with it - it becomes difficult to imagine and almost pathetic to witness. I wish the world compassion when it comes to mental health.

Sport has been my refuge. A place where I build up the positive endorphins without chemicals. A place where I smile, thrill in challenge and find that giving fills me up as much or even more than receiving.

Today was no different.

I have to, though, backtrack to last night. Caleb and Noah both are coughing. Caleb of course has fairly serious asthma that is triggered by viruses. We started upping the preventative steroids but it was too late. By supper time he had a full-on asthma attack and started turning blue. John rushed him to the hospital while I watched Noah. Noah and I had a quiet little time which was nice. I debated backing out of the 10k race since my heart goes into my children's well-being when they are this sick. Well, after Caleb's 44th visit to the hospital with some meaner steroids pumped into his body and a good dose of oxygen and ventolin we were all in bed by 11. My clothes were laid out for the next day and I decided to go ahead.

Race morning was uneventful. My friend Esther picked me up. We drove there, picked up packages and chips. I wasn't hoping to PB (1:06 is my PB and next year I want that to come down to sub 1:00hr for the 10k) but looking forward to chatting with a friend and enjoying being out with other racers. I get a lot of inspiration from watching people who run faster than me.

We started out and kept to a leisurely 7 minute pace. I was happy that it wasn't taxing my cardio and that I hadn't started out too fast. I felt like I was on a long run. Then we passed the memorials lining the first kilometre: children, more children, teens, fathers, mothers, grandfathers, uncles told us their DOB and DOD. Messages were written from family members, photos were there to remind us: RUN FOR LIFE yes, indeed. Run for Life.

The race continued on, along part of the course I struggled a little less to run this year for Great White North. The chat picked up and my friends pace slowed a little. She's doing less training than me lately but doesn't have the base. When I noticed we were in the last 4 kilometres I was ready to pick it up. I felt a bit like a caged or leashed animal that wanted to GO! I was running with Esther though so we kept at our 7ish pace. I told her I wanted to run the last K hard. When we got to it I picked up the pace to between 5:00 and 5:30 min/K and I felt good. I need to focus on my leg turnover but when it comes together and I feel strong - yay! I'm happy.... but there are those memorials again, and the runners infront of us are stopping to take pictures infront of their family's sign. I started to choke up again, just wanted to get it done. And I did.

I finished at around 1:12 and was not disappointed in the least to have been slower than my PB of two years ago.

Some PBs are not about your time :)