Settling in

Hello there.  Well, what can I say things are starting to settle down and settle in and I am happy about it.  I feel a wash of contentment coming over my spirit and that feels good.

1. Work.  I had my mid-year review and it went well.  In fact it went even better than expected.  Despite there being quite a bit of negativity in the public sector (sunshine list, wage freezes, union-busting...) and morale being quite low there is promise of a better day and I have a manager who is willing to support me in whatever career goals I am aiming for.

2. Home. The boys are settling into their routine of one week with their dad and one week with me.  I cannot imagine how hard it is on them to have two homes and I wonder sometimes what I would have been like in the same situation.  I'm going to make it a goal to take each of them out on a "date" the next time they are at the house and spend some one on one time maybe just going for ice cream and talking.

Boys decorating at Christmas

My home is really coming together and becoming a home.  The daily routines are starting to get ingrained into me.  One thing my separation has taught me is to do things differently at home.  I still have a ways to go on my laundry and having too many clothes that I don't wear.  A spring project perhaps.  My frustration is needing about 3/4 different styles: Relaxed around the house (sweats), Casual going out (jeans/yoga pants/hoodies), Casual work (jeans, nice shirts), Dress work (dress pants, dresses, blazers)... I feel like growing up I will learn to incorporate my style better across home/casual/work and have a more streamlined closet.  But yes, on the doing things differently at home I am learning to stay better on top of chores, and to do things like put things back when you're done with them! Amazing.

3. Relationship.  I am just blessed. I don't know what more to say.  We have our quirks and our issues, but we talk them out and work on things as a team. I have someone in my life who wants to work together with me, not against me. The power struggle is limited... and once we both recognize we aren't fighting for the greater good of our relationship we find our balance and adjust and talk some more. There is also affection both verbally and physically every day.  This kindness has helped me to just trust again.

Blessed

Love

I wanted to share that we were having a bit of a hard time recently and I read online somewhere to start a gratitude journal in the bathroom.  To try and write 3 things every day you are grateful for in the relationship and about your partner.  Our journal has brought us so much closer together.  I am very grateful we are participating in this!

4. Recovery. Well I did it. I finally completed my Step 5 in CODA.  It took only 2 hours, but it was an enormous shift in my life.  I unloaded all the crap from Step 4 (moral inventory) and gave it to another person and to God.  I said it out loud, I cried and for the rest of the day I felt: tired (so I napped), and hungry very very hungry - (that lasted about 2 days actually) but I did my best not to over-eat.  I was really surprised by the hunger.  I was also proud of myself for not giving into it as it was, I believe, mostly wanting to numb emotion.

Ni regret du passe, Ni peur de l'avenir

5. Art.  Myself and my partner have been creating like crazy.  He's ordering paints and made his first abstract canvass.  I have been sketching and trying to learn watercolour painting.  We are registered in an acrylics painting class in the spring.  This has brought a fullness to my life I did not expect.  I am just pumped up :)

That's an update from me... How are you?