Oh Lent

You can add up the parts 

but you won't have the sum 
You can strike up the march, 
there is no drum 
Every heart, every heart 
to love will come 
but like a refugee. 

Ring the bells that still can ring 
Forget your perfect offering 
There is a crack, a crack in everything 
That's how the light gets in. 

Ring the bells that still can ring 
Forget your perfect offering 
There is a crack, a crack in everything 
That's how the light gets in. 
That's how the light gets in. 
That's how the light gets in.

-Leonard Cohen 

 Anthem

Hi there again.

This year I was moved to participate in lent.  I can't quite put my finger on when or why it came to me that I would be giving up facebook but as I sat in church and listened with my heart to the Pastor talk about lent I was stirred. The reason I can't put my finger on when or why facebook would be my choice on what to deny myself or fast from is because facebook has been a source of my content/discontent for such a long time. What I have been feeling lately is that facebook was feeding into my insecurities by feeding into my ego self.

So my ego self does the following:
posts on facebook to make human connections, posts on facebook to get attention (negative or positive), posts on facebook to brag about myself (that's hard to type), posts on facebook to get recognition that I'm in a couple, posts on facebook instead of saying things directly to the people I love, feels bad when I don't get attention, feels good when I do get attention, feels bad when my partner doesn't give me the attention I think I deserve, feels good when my partner gives me the attention I think I deserve.

So where does this get me? I would say further from God.  Despite the good feelings and the connections to people and the inspiring quotes and the funny pictures and all that FACEBOOK-E-NESS there is a darker part to it.  I question this too: Addicted? I had lent and facebook on my mind, had made a conscious decision to turn away from facebook for a specific period of time and despite my prayers and my choices my fingers kept typing in F...A....C.... into my web browser. Or on my phone or ipad, simple as a click... I subconsciously did this when I was bored, angry, tired, lonely, happy, hungry and just purely out of physical habit.  I still am... fighting it every day.  Simple key strokes to enter me into what I almost call "life".  Yes that's sad.  I am embarrassed to admit it.  Facebook is part of my life.

Some might not understand it.  Perhaps much like someone who drinks wine responsibly says to an alocholic: "I don't get it, have a drink with your dinner, maybe get tipsy or buzzed once in a while - why can't you just drink responsibly?".

Well there is some simplicity in this choice and I truly believe that is what God wants from me.  To be simpler, and to love him and myself and others more.  To turn away from anger, jealousy and spite.  To turn towards Him, His comfort and His love for me.  There has been quiet in these first three days of lent.  There has been more stillness in my mind than I can remember in a long time.  There is reflection and there is prayer, but it is not easy.

By the sweat of your brow

    you will eat your food

until you return to the ground,

    since from it you were taken;

for dust you are

    and to dust you will return.

Genesis 3:17-19