changes

I am at the office, of course, Friday morning. Things to do. Some urine screens, then go to the jail, then maybe the food bank. I was watching American Idol last night and one of the performers sang "Man in the Mirror". Oh boy I used to love that song as a kid. I had the Michael Jackson Bad tape and played that song over and over.

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

Well he's starting with the man in the mirror. Wow eh? And how do you do that when your life gets a bit consumed by others suffering? I've taken too much of it on. Instead of exercise when I feel sad I sleep. Glorious sleep. Or I eat. Mmmm food. But those two things aren't making the situation better. I'm fairly certain if I don't take care of myself I can't take care of others. This is the lesson I know to be true and follows me wherever I go.

So how do I pull off the blankets so heavy with sadness and be my own best friend for today? Almost a year ago I blogged about a woman I dropped off at a Recovery House deep in the heart of Edmonton's poverty, crime, and addiction filled streets:

Onward

Well, she did not come home to her house that night. She never returned to face her addiction or work through our program.

I saw her yesterday on Jasper Avenue. Strung out, skinny, hollow eyes, "flailing" and searching like a crow for carrion... and yeah, I cried, but what good does that do?

So I've been saying ONWARD for a while now.

ONWARD again.