How have you been

Well the here and now is always right there. Smacking you in the face. Hello! Stay with me! In the present moment!

I have experienced a lot of change over the last, oh, 3 years. Really since doing Ironman in many ways I haven't been the same. Some of it very good, some of it not so great, some of it surprising me.

I haven't been exercising. That's for certain. And it's not making me happy. I know I need to take care of myself but once you find yourself in that rut (particularly if you are prone to rut finding) it's quite hard to get out of.

I started work for Edmonton Drug Court, worked for almost two years there. Burned myself out. Found out a lot of my strengths and weaknesses. Found a bit of my courage. Found a few really amazing people. Found some really UNamazing people (funny those were service providers and not clients?). Figured out who I want to be in life, sorted out some values and moved forward.

I am proud of myself for getting out of a place that felt oppressive for me. It was the best decision I could have taken. At first, when I was hired, I felt unworthy of working there. I felt unskilled and I brought that into the "room" with me wherever I went. Lack of confidence pours out and teaches others how to treat you.

When I step back and re-evaluate I was skilled enough to do the work. I was good at the work and I need to acknowledge that.

So back to life - not work - I am trying to find my way back to fitness. Anyone with me? I am trying to find the guts I had to attempt an ironman. I am trying to find it somewhere... where did it go?

Life has handed my father a pretty big sucker punch. So what can I learn? How can I make use of now?

I'm pretty sure it's not by napping and eating chocolate.